Love your body

My good friend, Terra, recently blogged the 10 things she loves about her body.  The point?   We all can find 10 (or more) things we hate, but it's a lot harder to come up with the things you love.  I was feeling rather silly and said "I love many things about me".  I guess I'd better test that out.

1. My rack.  Hey Terra - I'm not afraid to say it as #1 and sound like "an obsessed porn queen".  lol
2. My butt - yes I like my butt.  lol  I admit sometimes I turn around in the mirror to check it out.  *sheepish smile*
3. Hips - goes along with the butt I suppose but I need to stretch this out....
4. My brain - it's a part of my body right?  I am glad and relieved that I can think critically, logically and from multiple angles.
5. The incredible muscles in my calves & thighs.  I mean seriously....just need to get rid of the covering on my thighs and they'll be amazing.  I'm obsessed with my calves.
6. My face - I think I'm pretty.  And look younger than my 36 (almost 37!) years.
7. My voice (still a part of the body I hope!) - Even if I was a hag, I know I can melt anyone's heart with my singing.
8.  Ummm.....this 10 count is getting harder.  I'll steal one now... I like my proportions.  Everything is in order - top, bottom, hip, waist, etc.   I was put together well.  Thank you DNA!  ;O)
9. My eyes - I love their color (green ... slightly hazel).  No one ever tells me they love my eyes, but it doesn't matter.  I love them.
10. How small my wrists and ankles are - makes me look thinner than I really am.  I know that's a funny one.

I did it!  And it didn't take too long either.  Go me.  Although I want to say one thing - we worry too much.  Always comparing ourselves to others and finding so many faults in our bodies.   Like when typing this list I kept thinking of things I don't like.  We're too obsessed with how much we weigh, how our hair looks, how tall we are, is our skin perfectly clear, how "big" our favorite (or least favorite) assets are (men and women!), what other people think about us, etc.  The list can go on for miles.  

I get sad when I hear people, especially my friends, obsessing over how they look and saying things like "I'm fat".  Really now.   Don't you know that you're F*kin' Perfect just the way you are?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocDlOD1Hw9k

Goals

I am putting together my long and short term goals for my running and health.   Basically the things I want to work on with my personal training as well as my yearly running training.

Here's what I came up with - (keep in mind the weight loss goal at the beginning was written 3 weeks ago and I've already dropped 5...)

Short:

• Lose 7 lbs by 2/28/11
• Eat Better/Less Crap (Tastes Great, Less Filling?)
• Get a habit of stretching every time I run
• Run 10 miles straight without having to walk by Apr 16
• Get rid of my shin pain (ya....doubt this will come true... hasn't so far!)

Long:

• No injury this year
• Lose a total of 25 lbs by end of 2011 (really this is written as "weigh xxx by end of 2011") but I'm not sharing that with you people!)
• Runner's Legs!!!!
• <3 hrs half run time with Oct 15 Half Marathon (ya I'm slow, why do you care?)
• Live through TWO Ragnars (this was originally just "live through Ragnar" but now I'm considering doing Vegas....Kill Me Now)

As for the question I filled out of "Why are these goals important?"  Answer: So I can enjoy running even more!  Plus who doesn't want sexy legs?  And....no serious pain please!

And my reward for the end of 2011 when I've reached these goals?   I'm going to buy all new clothes and throw the old out!

So now, how am I doing?  As mentioned above, I've lost 5 lbs so far.  So hurrah.   The first part of cracking down always loses the fastest.  :)  I guess I'm not helping the cause by all of the Margarita I've been drinking tonight.... (I made a pitcher...and I'm on the last of it...but there was only 6 ounces of tequila in the whole thing and it took me all evening....)  But hey, you gotta have fun some time right?   And also, you wouldn't have gotten this lovely blog post without it.   Be grateful.

Also, holy crap, I'm not even kidding.  My thighs are ROCK HARD.  Seriously.   I could burst watermelons with them.  See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6ykyr6Eh9M if you need an example...   But unfortunately I have this awesome layer of fat around  them.  lol  Shoo thunder thighs.  That will come with the xxx weight.  :)

I've improved my overall speed too.  I'm not GREAT by any means.  But when I used to run I'd do an average of a little over a 12 minute mile.  Now I'm at about 11:30 minute mile (for the 6 mi run).   Which is cool for me.   The half I did last year I did it in about 3 hours and 20 minutes.   And that was mostly because I had to walk a lot.  So I don't really need to increase my actual pace.  Just how much I walk.  I can do that!  If I run the whole time at a 12 min mile pace, then I'd finish in 2.6 hours.   Ya.

I am really eating much better.   Even with the margarita fun as well as the ice cream... come on.  PMS?  Ever heard  of it?  You take away my ice cream, I'll take away your balls.  You hear me?  I've done it before.

And I have been stretching and working on keeping myself healthy.   The PT appointments have been great.  She really kicks my butt.  And I love it!  Even if my body hurts sooooo bad.  *points to quads*

So yes, all has been going well.   I'm happy.  Is that the Tequila talking?  Who cares?  Will I pay for it with my personal trainer appt tomorrow morning?   Oh yes but it's worth it - I have goals afterall.

Retreat!!!

I'm writing this from my phone at a coffee shop. For the record I love android and do not want an iPhone.

Last night was the first book club retreat I've stayed the night at. We went to Heber to stay at one member's parent's house. It was absolutely gorgeous up there! Thank you again Stauna!

I almost didn't go because I was running late and also feeling a little upset and stressed with life and things going on right now. Plus it was an hour drive in the dark which is my least favorite time to drive. I thought over and over about just stopping and making some excuse like "I hit a Kitty! I'm a Kitty killer!" complete with hysterical crying. But knowing my luck Terra would not have believed me or worse offered to pick me up. Guess I'll use that excuse next time. Oh...oops. Don't read that part k?

I arrived in Heber an hour late but also just in time! They barely had gotten to the restaurant. We ate at Bear Dance Cafe in Midway. I had a fantastic top sirloin steak with bleu cheese and caramelized onions. It was worth $21... Yes.

Three people in our group got the salmon. They were overcooked and dry. And Callie's had bones in it! So the server (name is Gator) took two of them away for a re-do. The owner Billy stopped by and we told him about it. He looked at us with all seriousness and said "I'm sorry. I'll go to the kitchen and fire myself."

A short time later they came back. Raw on the inside. Not just a little undercooked section but raw. One of them went back again (our server was really stressed about it) and we got lucky that time! The replacement was ... *drumroll* also raw! Why was that lucky? Because if we were in Vegas we would have all lost thousands from the anti luck.

So needless to say those two lovely ladies ate rolls for dinner. Oh and some of the greatest calimari ever. But didn't pay for any of it.

Did I mention my steak rocked? Go Team Red Meat!!

We then headed over to the before mentioned house for our book discussion. We read this month The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi. The discussion was good for the most part.. No. I sat next to a very obnoxious and LOUD new member. She is really nice but my Gods she does not shut up with explaining and re-explaining her opinions on things in the book. Yes we know you think this girl made a mistake at the end but that does not mean she's going to regret it in a few years and become the stereotypical female you think she should be. Oh of course she'll find a husband and become a perfect wife that doesn't have an opinion and pumps out 20 babies and bakes cakes all day. That's every woman's dream.

Sorry.

Anyway after I hit myself in the head with my book, drank a coffee, made faces at everyone (big eyes pleading) and asked three times if we were done we ended that discussion.

I liked the book.

A few of us stayed up until super late. Or is that early? I went to bed a little after 3 a.m. And got to sleep in until 7 a.m.! You're jealous.

Drank more coffee for sure. YUMMY Tassimo Crema. Then tried to leave at 10.

I got stuck in the snow bank I had to park in. There was no where else for me to park! Lots of rocking and I realized I wasn't escaping without help. After a bit of digging and some pushing by friends as I backed out I was free! For 30 seconds until I successfully got trapped on a sheet of ice. No help needed on this one. I eventually moved enough so I slid sideways onto less icy ground. Free again!

And I was off! Hour drive complete with a guy in a white mini van who decided to get on my ass. Couldn't see his headlights he was that close. How I needed a sign that thanked him for riding my ass so well. I finally let him pass me and he sped off. I almost asked him if it was tight enough for him but he had kids in the backseat. You know if you want to risk your own life that's your business. But he had passengers. What a douche.

Overall I'm so happy I went. Why do I get all upset over stupid shit anyway? I almost missed out on great memories.

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Testing

I love the android market and the multiple free apps they have. For instance this one that is allowing me to post this blog entry! Hey a girl has to find something to make her feel better for not having an iPhone!

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Could I get a little cheese with my whine?

I am the biggest fucking baby on the planet.  I'll get that out of the way now.

So I'm sick.  Bad cold last week translates into baby cold this week and LOTS of crap in my chest still.  My asthma is fully against me in every way whenever I try to do any kind of cardio.  Running suffers.  Lungs too tight for comfort.  Which in turn makes my heart raaaace.

Today I had my personal trainer (we'll call her a PT for ease) appointment at 7 p.m.  (Wow, I wrote a.m. at first...sick Melissa!)  I had the following conversation  with myself at 6:30 p.m.:

"Hey Melissa!  I have a great idea!  Let's use our nebulizer and get a little albuterol treatment to open our lungs!" 



"Wow me, I'm so smart!  Let's!"

No.  It wasn't.  Smart.  1) it made my adrenaline go through the roof (shake it baby!) and 2) it didn't help - I still had tight lungs.  So I'm doing squats and stairs and all sorts of fun things and finally I realized I.CAN.NOT.DO.IT!  I finally broke down and told the PT my evil secret I was trying to keep from her (I never told her I have asthma because I don't want it to be a crutch).   She let me slow down at that point.   But then I actually said on our second set of stairs (6 up and down with two flights each) that I give up and can't after the second up/down.

But that's not the problem.  I continually whined.  I mean seriously Melissa?  Whining?  "Oh this hurts, this is hard, wah wah wah!"   I'm positive she got sick of me.   I was sick of me!!!   At the end after the finishing up stetching I laughed and apologized to her and told her I would NOT whine at her again for the next 4.5 weeks.  No matter what.   She just laughed and continued on...which re-enforces the assumption that she was sick of me.

So that's my goal.  On Saturday when I meet with her next I WILL NOT WHINE.  I will do everything she tells me.  If I'm having trouble breathing I'll tell her up front and won't mention it every five fucking minutes.  Nor will I complain about what she's asking me to do.  Just Do It!

And now I'm STILL shaking - dumb dumb dumb.  I'm drinking a chocolate mint chip Muscle Milk shake that I highly recommend (THANK YOU!!!) and writing about my failure today.  Let my failure be other's strength.  And let the whining end!

Stress

Things have been really stressful lately for me.  Money is tight and getting tighter (when is it not?), there's lots of personal stress at home that I won't go into (very private), my best boy friend* is moving to another State (bastard, but I am happy for him), my Grandma is super healthy yet sure she's going to go at any second (can't she just relax and have fun?  I know she's going to be 85 but come on!), etc, etc.  I really feel like I'm going to pop.   I go through anxiety waves where I'll be super stressed and ready to cry (or really crying) and then I'll relax and everything will be fine.   But it worries me because I feel it escalating every day.  Like just before I started writing this I had a terrible anxious feeling in my chest.   Typing this out is helping.

I'm trying to be strong and know that everything will be okay.   It's fine to have one or two things going on, but when you have multiples all happening at the same time....anything that changes your way of life or puts pressure on you...well those can become overpowering.  And I also know that other people have it worse than me, but that doesn't help me with my stress load.  So no "judging" or saying "At least you don't have...." because that's not fair.

The good things I have are my husband (love you baby and can't live without you!), my job, my friends, my family, my health, running (when I can...) and many other things too (you don't want to hear them all..).  Why is it so hard to concentrate only on the good?  

All of this makes me want to run away sometimes.  Just pick up the hubby and bird and go.  Start over fresh. But then I realize how much more stress that would cause.  Because the goods would suffer.  And none of this is anyone else's fault - just to make that clear... yes I'm talking to you.  *kiss*

I guess I can start taking my Xanax again until this calms down and gets back to normal.  I hate being medicated though.  So I wait it out because this too shall pass.  Until the next wave.  Because isn't that what life's all about?



*At least I still have my best girl friend!  And other wonderful friends and family!!!  Love you!