Stress

Things have been really stressful lately for me.  Money is tight and getting tighter (when is it not?), there's lots of personal stress at home that I won't go into (very private), my best boy friend* is moving to another State (bastard, but I am happy for him), my Grandma is super healthy yet sure she's going to go at any second (can't she just relax and have fun?  I know she's going to be 85 but come on!), etc, etc.  I really feel like I'm going to pop.   I go through anxiety waves where I'll be super stressed and ready to cry (or really crying) and then I'll relax and everything will be fine.   But it worries me because I feel it escalating every day.  Like just before I started writing this I had a terrible anxious feeling in my chest.   Typing this out is helping.

I'm trying to be strong and know that everything will be okay.   It's fine to have one or two things going on, but when you have multiples all happening at the same time....anything that changes your way of life or puts pressure on you...well those can become overpowering.  And I also know that other people have it worse than me, but that doesn't help me with my stress load.  So no "judging" or saying "At least you don't have...." because that's not fair.

The good things I have are my husband (love you baby and can't live without you!), my job, my friends, my family, my health, running (when I can...) and many other things too (you don't want to hear them all..).  Why is it so hard to concentrate only on the good?  

All of this makes me want to run away sometimes.  Just pick up the hubby and bird and go.  Start over fresh. But then I realize how much more stress that would cause.  Because the goods would suffer.  And none of this is anyone else's fault - just to make that clear... yes I'm talking to you.  *kiss*

I guess I can start taking my Xanax again until this calms down and gets back to normal.  I hate being medicated though.  So I wait it out because this too shall pass.  Until the next wave.  Because isn't that what life's all about?



*At least I still have my best girl friend!  And other wonderful friends and family!!!  Love you!