Could I get a little cheese with my whine?

I am the biggest fucking baby on the planet.  I'll get that out of the way now.

So I'm sick.  Bad cold last week translates into baby cold this week and LOTS of crap in my chest still.  My asthma is fully against me in every way whenever I try to do any kind of cardio.  Running suffers.  Lungs too tight for comfort.  Which in turn makes my heart raaaace.

Today I had my personal trainer (we'll call her a PT for ease) appointment at 7 p.m.  (Wow, I wrote a.m. at first...sick Melissa!)  I had the following conversation  with myself at 6:30 p.m.:

"Hey Melissa!  I have a great idea!  Let's use our nebulizer and get a little albuterol treatment to open our lungs!" 



"Wow me, I'm so smart!  Let's!"

No.  It wasn't.  Smart.  1) it made my adrenaline go through the roof (shake it baby!) and 2) it didn't help - I still had tight lungs.  So I'm doing squats and stairs and all sorts of fun things and finally I realized I.CAN.NOT.DO.IT!  I finally broke down and told the PT my evil secret I was trying to keep from her (I never told her I have asthma because I don't want it to be a crutch).   She let me slow down at that point.   But then I actually said on our second set of stairs (6 up and down with two flights each) that I give up and can't after the second up/down.

But that's not the problem.  I continually whined.  I mean seriously Melissa?  Whining?  "Oh this hurts, this is hard, wah wah wah!"   I'm positive she got sick of me.   I was sick of me!!!   At the end after the finishing up stetching I laughed and apologized to her and told her I would NOT whine at her again for the next 4.5 weeks.  No matter what.   She just laughed and continued on...which re-enforces the assumption that she was sick of me.

So that's my goal.  On Saturday when I meet with her next I WILL NOT WHINE.  I will do everything she tells me.  If I'm having trouble breathing I'll tell her up front and won't mention it every five fucking minutes.  Nor will I complain about what she's asking me to do.  Just Do It!

And now I'm STILL shaking - dumb dumb dumb.  I'm drinking a chocolate mint chip Muscle Milk shake that I highly recommend (THANK YOU!!!) and writing about my failure today.  Let my failure be other's strength.  And let the whining end!