I am not a huge friend person. I don't keep a large circle of friends around me. This is just the way I've always been. I do, however, keep just a few close friends - ones that I feel I can't live without. Whom I need and hope need me. I fully love my friends.
Sometimes I wish I were the other way - that I had many friends and acquaintances. I do have acquaintances - don't get me wrong. And I like seeing them or being around them, but I still cling to my few close friends and prefer 1:1 time with them. But having a huge circle is more fun really. No shortage of people to do things with. :)
But I can't change me so that will never be, even though it would be easier emotionally. I give so much to any friendship that I develop that it takes everything. My heart and soul links with them. The drawback to this is when I feel like I'm losing one of them it crushes me. When I need them much more than they need me it makes me sad. When I think that I may never see them again it hurts and breaks my heart. Especially when that one is the closest of them all.
I felt deep sorrow when Mark left for Vegas. When I realized I had lost my friendship with my childhood friend, Leah - even though that happened slowly. When Jason stopped working with me though we're nearly neighbors. When Cami went to work at another facility (but then came back hurrah). And there's more...
And every time I feel one slipping away, I am reminded again of how much I wish I didn't do this to myself. It would be easier to just have many casual friends and keep only my husband as my close one. (Trust me though, if I lost the hubby I would just die...) Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? I don't know. And can I stop the way I am? No.
So here's to long lasting friendships and the roller coaster ride that comes. May it bring me more joy than sorrow. And may every friendship make me a better person.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Week 1
A week ago I started a new 6 week training session with my personal trainer at 24 Hour Fitness. The first time we met we measured, weighed, talked about my program, checked out their website, got my fat percentage, etc. Unfortunately my 2nd meeting with her was supposed to be on Saturday but seeing as I went to Wendover on Friday night... ya, I cancelled.
But I've been pretty good with my eating and logging on the website. Except for Friday (way too much drinking) and Saturday (I didn't eat much); but I'm not worried about those two days seeing as I'm sure they balanced out. I couldn't will myself to log "3 beers, 4 shots of whiskey, ..." and I'd better stop now or you'll wonder why I wasn't trashed all evening. (Spread out over hours...) And no I wasn't hung over really - just a little tummy sensitive so I ate very little the next day.
So back on point - I didn't get to the gym last week as much as I wanted but that's because of the pain in my shins (and right achilles...). I have had a couple days of rest now so I can't wait to get back there today! I also have my new compression sleeves which make running so much easier and less painful.
The only thing I don't like about the 24 Hour Fitness website is it's linked to the Bodybugg which is a monitor that tells you how many calories you burned. (You wear it all day and night.) And the website won't let me log my activity without the Bodybugg. I refuse to buy it. #1) No money! And #2) I don't need it. But it does seem cool. So basically I can run and burn 500 calories but I can't put that into the website. And well, I eat more food when I run so I can't really log that food or I look like I'm overeating. What I've been doing is eating about 300 more calories but then not logging it to keep it more balanced - so I won't have to explain myself. I want to use this website so my trainer can see what I'm eating. Then why do I feel like I'm lying? I guess I'll have to confess. :)
Even with the little hiccups I lost 2 lbs. Yea! It will show up as even more to her because I was retaining water too. So she'll see I lost 5 or 6 when we weigh again plus whatever happens this week! lol (We will weigh & measure every two weeks.) I think when I go there this afternoon for my run I'll weigh on their scale and see what it did. I do like to see progress. I also feel thinner - like I can tell I'm losing it from my belly which is nice.
My ultimate goal is actually to get into great shape for my running schedule this year. It's not a weight or size goal. They're, of course, mini-goals in the middle, but if I can get into a good condition by my first half marathon in April, it will make me very happy. And keep it that way too!
Besides, Zombies HATE Fast Food.... *run*
But I've been pretty good with my eating and logging on the website. Except for Friday (way too much drinking) and Saturday (I didn't eat much); but I'm not worried about those two days seeing as I'm sure they balanced out. I couldn't will myself to log "3 beers, 4 shots of whiskey, ..." and I'd better stop now or you'll wonder why I wasn't trashed all evening. (Spread out over hours...) And no I wasn't hung over really - just a little tummy sensitive so I ate very little the next day.
So back on point - I didn't get to the gym last week as much as I wanted but that's because of the pain in my shins (and right achilles...). I have had a couple days of rest now so I can't wait to get back there today! I also have my new compression sleeves which make running so much easier and less painful.
The only thing I don't like about the 24 Hour Fitness website is it's linked to the Bodybugg which is a monitor that tells you how many calories you burned. (You wear it all day and night.) And the website won't let me log my activity without the Bodybugg. I refuse to buy it. #1) No money! And #2) I don't need it. But it does seem cool. So basically I can run and burn 500 calories but I can't put that into the website. And well, I eat more food when I run so I can't really log that food or I look like I'm overeating. What I've been doing is eating about 300 more calories but then not logging it to keep it more balanced - so I won't have to explain myself. I want to use this website so my trainer can see what I'm eating. Then why do I feel like I'm lying? I guess I'll have to confess. :)
Even with the little hiccups I lost 2 lbs. Yea! It will show up as even more to her because I was retaining water too. So she'll see I lost 5 or 6 when we weigh again plus whatever happens this week! lol (We will weigh & measure every two weeks.) I think when I go there this afternoon for my run I'll weigh on their scale and see what it did. I do like to see progress. I also feel thinner - like I can tell I'm losing it from my belly which is nice.
My ultimate goal is actually to get into great shape for my running schedule this year. It's not a weight or size goal. They're, of course, mini-goals in the middle, but if I can get into a good condition by my first half marathon in April, it will make me very happy. And keep it that way too!
Besides, Zombies HATE Fast Food.... *run*
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Gym fun
Wait, did I really say "fun"?
I really am enjoying my time at the gym as a regular. I have a personal trainer but really don't think I'm going to see her weekly like she wants. :) I am doing the strength exercises - especially the core - on my own and loving it. I am happy to know the right way to do them.
My running/training schedule is as follows:
Sun = Run (unless I ran on Saturday - see Saturday!)
Mon = Strength/Stretch/short run
Tues = Run
Wednesday = Short run or Cross-train
Thursday = Run
Friday = Rest
Saturday = Cross Train (or run...I get excited to run Saturday morning)
Every day is some kind of core exercise and/or foam roll. And that schedule isn't set in stone. But it boils down to 4-5 run days a week. And THIS is why I bought new shoes!
http://www.footlocker.com/product/model:136514/sku:30500134/asics%AE%20gel-kayano%2016%20-%20women%27s/?supercat=home&cm=GLOBAL%20SEARCH%3A%20KEYWORD%20SEARCH
They're great - I've only used them once but it made a huge difference in my run. I also bought an extra arch support because my arches are pretty low and I liked it. Can't wait to run...oh...must run tomorrow!
I really am enjoying my time at the gym as a regular. I have a personal trainer but really don't think I'm going to see her weekly like she wants. :) I am doing the strength exercises - especially the core - on my own and loving it. I am happy to know the right way to do them.
My running/training schedule is as follows:
Sun = Run (unless I ran on Saturday - see Saturday!)
Mon = Strength/Stretch/short run
Tues = Run
Wednesday = Short run or Cross-train
Thursday = Run
Friday = Rest
Saturday = Cross Train (or run...I get excited to run Saturday morning)
Every day is some kind of core exercise and/or foam roll. And that schedule isn't set in stone. But it boils down to 4-5 run days a week. And THIS is why I bought new shoes!
http://www.footlocker.com/product/model:136514/sku:30500134/asics%AE%20gel-kayano%2016%20-%20women%27s/?supercat=home&cm=GLOBAL%20SEARCH%3A%20KEYWORD%20SEARCH
They're great - I've only used them once but it made a huge difference in my run. I also bought an extra arch support because my arches are pretty low and I liked it. Can't wait to run...oh...must run tomorrow!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Running and a Confession
This year is going to be a crazy running year. I have a half marathon in April, Ragnar in June, and another half in October. I decided I didn't want to get hurt again this year like I was last so I am working with a personal trainer for a bit to get me into a good pattern of strength training (the right way) and core exercises. Today was my first appointment! She is awesome. She is a marathon runner so it's a nice match. She showed me some machines for a total body workout today. I can't wait for the pain to come from that.
So my workout schedule is going to be running 3-4x per week, cross training 2-3x per week, core exercises every day (!!), and strength training 2-3x per week. Is that crazy? Yes. Will it happen every week? No. But I'll keep working on it and won't give up. If I do, then I've wasted money signing up for the races this year.
The goals I set for this year are to NOT get hurt, run the April half in 3 hours (my Halloween Half was at a little under 3 1/2 hrs), lose 25 lbs and just keep running! Not too difficult I hope.
Oh and yes - the confession.... My two good friends each had a baby over the last year which threw me into a major baby longing craze. No, I didn't tell my husband. :) And yes he will probably see this. But it has passed after I finally decided to talk to some people about it. Which I knew it would. Why would I not want kids? I have a list of 694 reasons. Here's a sampling:
Reason #30: Having to deal with getting babysitters, nanny, day-care, etc before I can do anything.
Reason #106: Childbirth. Hell no.
Reason #483: The screaming
Reason #484: The whining
Reason #591: "Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy"
Reason #175: Childbirth. Yes, it's a repeat of 106 but it's that important.
Reason #470: Personal Privacy...
Reason #603: Taking naps on my own terms
Reason #7: Morning Sickness
Reason #8: Post-partum Depression
Reason #350: Disney Channel
Reason #676: Soccer, dance, music lessons, etc..
Reason #9: Poop and puke
Reason #30: Money!
Reason #254: Running
Reason #1: Sleep
So my workout schedule is going to be running 3-4x per week, cross training 2-3x per week, core exercises every day (!!), and strength training 2-3x per week. Is that crazy? Yes. Will it happen every week? No. But I'll keep working on it and won't give up. If I do, then I've wasted money signing up for the races this year.
The goals I set for this year are to NOT get hurt, run the April half in 3 hours (my Halloween Half was at a little under 3 1/2 hrs), lose 25 lbs and just keep running! Not too difficult I hope.
Oh and yes - the confession.... My two good friends each had a baby over the last year which threw me into a major baby longing craze. No, I didn't tell my husband. :) And yes he will probably see this. But it has passed after I finally decided to talk to some people about it. Which I knew it would. Why would I not want kids? I have a list of 694 reasons. Here's a sampling:
Reason #30: Having to deal with getting babysitters, nanny, day-care, etc before I can do anything.
Reason #106: Childbirth. Hell no.
Reason #483: The screaming
Reason #484: The whining
Reason #591: "Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy"
Reason #175: Childbirth. Yes, it's a repeat of 106 but it's that important.
Reason #470: Personal Privacy...
Reason #603: Taking naps on my own terms
Reason #7: Morning Sickness
Reason #8: Post-partum Depression
Reason #350: Disney Channel
Reason #676: Soccer, dance, music lessons, etc..
Reason #9: Poop and puke
Reason #30: Money!
Reason #254: Running
Reason #1: Sleep
Friday, January 7, 2011
Why did I jump on this bandwagon?
I have a LiveJournal afterall. Why not just go back to that? Could it be the drama? Could it be the ... no, I'll stop there. It's the drama.
I've been sitting here waiting for Tomb Raider: Anniversary to download, listening to Rob Thomas and drinking a truly Epic beer when suddenly the beer started speaking and ordered me to start a blog. Who am I to argue with good beer?
Oh yes, who am I? Melissa. That's it. Just Melissa. I'm 36, married, no kids (unless you count the bird and the step-daughter), coffee addict (black and strong please!), work for a healthcare company in the I.S. department, a runner and a beer drinker (will run for beer). Then, as you may have guessed, a lover of computer games (who can never finish a game), sleeping, cooking and singing. A day never goes by without my singing around the house. Thankfully my husband doesn't mind.
I'm passionate, love yet hate people, way too snarky for my own good, forgiving and understanding of other people's and my own faults, impatient, patient, liberal, atheist (most un-trusted group in the world), trustworthy, caring, weird, neurotic, funny (or so I think), loyal, willing to help my friends move and well...pretty damn awesome. Is it conceited of me to say I think I'm pretty damn awesome? If that's a yes, then I blame the beer.
I could go on and on about me, but the beer is losing strength.
I've been sitting here waiting for Tomb Raider: Anniversary to download, listening to Rob Thomas and drinking a truly Epic beer when suddenly the beer started speaking and ordered me to start a blog. Who am I to argue with good beer?
Oh yes, who am I? Melissa. That's it. Just Melissa. I'm 36, married, no kids (unless you count the bird and the step-daughter), coffee addict (black and strong please!), work for a healthcare company in the I.S. department, a runner and a beer drinker (will run for beer). Then, as you may have guessed, a lover of computer games (who can never finish a game), sleeping, cooking and singing. A day never goes by without my singing around the house. Thankfully my husband doesn't mind.
I'm passionate, love yet hate people, way too snarky for my own good, forgiving and understanding of other people's and my own faults, impatient, patient, liberal, atheist (most un-trusted group in the world), trustworthy, caring, weird, neurotic, funny (or so I think), loyal, willing to help my friends move and well...pretty damn awesome. Is it conceited of me to say I think I'm pretty damn awesome? If that's a yes, then I blame the beer.
I could go on and on about me, but the beer is losing strength.
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